I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
