i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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