I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
