Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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