I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
