If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
