Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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