Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
