I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
