Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
