I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
