that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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