just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
