I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
