Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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