Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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