I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
