walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
