he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
