i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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