God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm both gender and math confused
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
