In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
