i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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