Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
