apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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