Operation Purity has been aborted
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
