4 words: hood of his car
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
