Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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