How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
