Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
