She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
