1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
