she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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