there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
