You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
