Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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