Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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