he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
