ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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