guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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