And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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