i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
not ubering you a puppy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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