i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
