Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
