apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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