btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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