he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
