I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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