I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
