I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That accounts for only three of the penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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