I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
