if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
