I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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