either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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