i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
