12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
