I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
