GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
