I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
