I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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