So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i have herpe
just one?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
