And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
