yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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