also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
