oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
