I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
