Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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